Application Madness Settles In

It’s summer job application season. Which means cover letter and resume-writing season. If there’s anything more apt to producing mass insanity in a student population, I don’t know what it is. Many of us have been working on applications for days or even weeks now. I rather suspect that, if letters could reflect our actual thought processes, they would read a little like this. 

Dear Potential Employer #17,

Please accept my application to whichever summer position you have open. I am a student who at this point is so addled from a combination of sleeplessness and caffeine that I suspect my brain could serve as poster child for one of those ‘this is your brain on drugs’ PSAs.

I have aspired to a career in your company’s specialty field ever since I saw you were hiring and it occurred to me I might be halfway competent in such a position. I do solemnly swear I the reasons I say I am want to work with you are not the exact same reasons I gave on the other letters I have written. Honestly. Any similarity to other applications is purely coincidental.

I am confident that I’m at least qualified enough for you not to regret hiring me. In any case I certainly have the creativity required to cast the same two or three prior experiences in a slightly different light with each successive application. If that’s not a demonstration of quality communication skills, I don’t know what is. In retrospect I wish I’d spent a little less time in perfectly mundane part-time or entry level jobs in recent years, and that I had done something – anything – that could be described as  unorthodox (in a good way) or marketable. Having my current prospects depend on choices made back when graduation seemed an eternity away and applying for ‘real jobs’ was a remote possibility is turning out to be an incredibly trying experience.

In short, I hope I have been convincing enough that you’ll at least consider meeting me. The thought of attempting to convey my entire personality in a few short paragraphs one more time makes me want to crawl under my bed and never come out. Please call me back. I’ll be here, waiting. I’ll have my phone with me under the bed so I can’t possibly fail to answer.

Yours in rapidly-diminishing sanity,

Student Applicant #137

 

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